People write books for many different reasons. Mine is just personal. When you experience a lot on life, and go through hardships, its only natural to want to share those experiences with others as therapy required, or for the purposes of helping others. My purposes would involve both, to help myself and to help others.
To maintain anonyminity, names will not be mentioned, nor specific stories or anecdotes from my life, which describe and or provide example as to my current outlook in life. That would defeat the purposes of moving forward. My goal is to help provide insight, not to teach, to help provide guided thought processes I have found best when coping with certain issues, but not to recommend that my thoughts are the best way of interpreting events. Always see as you see best fit.
What is Intelligence? (Profanity Free, Not Upset Anymore) by Leslie Fischman - Im more positive now, positive outlook. Im prude, so its really insulting to be called names, no Im not a pervert I dont give blow jobs, ask my boyfriends.
What is Intelligence?
Today on Twitter we talked about intelligence as it relates to my experinces and in jest, called myself retarded, and even made CRA CIA jokes, Center Retard Agency. This was to normalize the use of a term I was called by someone in a caretaking position, to justify the usage of the term, as not derogatory but factual in its application as to me, my past, my experiences and my future. This has nothing with to do with Benjy Goebert, giving him a blow job on my 21 birthday, which was embarrassing because my best friend Danielle Butte told everyone i.e. Daniela Salkinder who used to like him in middle school, goes “you hooked up with Benjy.” I was blackout drunk, and had no problems at CU Boulder in love or finding love, recently having broken up with a Boyfriend, had just started using Cocaine recreationally, introduced to by a friend, Lauren Koeppe. No she is not the reason I was bicurious, or went through phases of uncertainty. No that is not why I punch my head or slam it into the wall, it’s the bullying and teasing that causes that. Those are unjustified uses of force against me to cause me to self-harm during periods in life to justify causes for events or behaviors as being associated to causes for use of force against me, my persons, or livelihood. Its called hate crime, and discriminatory or retaliatory acts to commit some harm that serves no greater good, but further causes one to feel out of place suicidal. No that is not why I did not attend the march I overslept, has nothing to do with me being bicurious, trying to figure out whether I am Gay or not. Aaron asked me if I was Gay, so I questioned it myself, because I loved him insulted, I began experimenting on my Computer alone, in 2010. Just because someone tries to convince you you are something that you are not, does not mean I am retarded and is not the reasons for why I called myself retarded, and no I am not therefore trying to say that when anyone else does anything Gay towards me that they should likewise be defined as retarded similarly based upon reasons assumed I called myself retarded in the first place. Any type of confusion as to identity, sexual or not, does not make one retarded. What makes someone retarded? Genetically that is determined by your chemical makeup, experience, exposure, and how you develop psychologically, environmental factors play a role, more is needed to be studied to determine what causes retardation. In my mind retardation is when you are a slow developer, or have an inability to develop, or some deficit that interferes with your growth, maturity, and ability. These are scientifically proven definitions but my own, if you need to cross check with professional sources I suggest googling the tern retard to see exactly what the term means, not question my usage or definitions that I make up to identity with terms their meaning, in questioning your application and calling me names, such as retard. –What is intelligence, on a more positive note? Intelligence is by education, level of education attained, but not limited to education alone, a lot of things constitute intelligence and intelligence can be gained not only from education in a professional environment but through other means. Intelligence is not arbitrarily determined by Country or by groups of people, but is something earned not given something you work for towards and achieved not handed to you. Traditionally that is what has defined intelligence. It is information gathered, acquired, and assembled in a way that makes sense, that would be an accurate test of ones intelligence and ability. –Given my education I am always analyzing and interpreting, that is one of my gifts, special abilities, not something taught to you in school but through education, experience, and adaptation a skill you acquire, you either know how to assemble information and interpret it in the right way or you don’t, its like cooking, something you learn on your own how to get good at, hard to teach, much like writing. This is why I focused on creative writing, and writing on Twitter, its not important that I assemble huge chunks of information in my unique writing format online in order to be understood, make sense, or deliver information important for others to better understand me, and I don’t think that one another should discriminate eachother based on ability to write in huge portions or submit information in a more condensed format, if it carries the same meaning. It was intended for me to write a book, that would be how I was planning to showcase my writing talent and unique style. But now it has been normalized and like a philanthropist not squandered but put to a greater purpose, what purpose, Im sure God has a plan. That is not my purposes for assembling information and providing information and detail about my life, to prove something, its because this information is asked of me, why did I commit suicide, of course it is something that has always bothered me and highly embarrassing, and not its not like wondering if you are Gay or not, dying is not the same as wondering or being questioned whether or not you are Gay. People going through your things was equally traumatizing, especially your significant other, who you are just dating not married to, to give sex to and they go through everything, its all in your head, can hear him now whats so special it sounds like how I think now, that’s because I have been writing for 4 years dumped but an Ex is still reading my writing, for what purposes, you have your code I have mine, I don’t interfere with your code, I don’t know music. Frozen, I need to run now, process.
My sincerest apologies that I was not in attendance, I overslept. Unlike other Women who have shared online why they did not March, I do not share a similar sentiment or excuse for not marching. –Why I blog. For those of you who were not invited to March and attend, it was not made known to us (Invitees) that it would be such a momentous and historical occasion. Why I would March: I would March for those of us who have died overseas fighting for our Country and protecting our rights and civil liberties, and freedom to march and express ourselves, or blog. I would march for those who have died due to gun violence and for the volunteers and victim advocates who provide advocacy daily to them online and behind the scenes with legal teams drafting legislation and bills to be passed, to enact laws that help prevent gun violence. I would march for human rights, and counterterrorism efforts to curtail violence and stop terrorism. There are many reasons why I would have marched but did not, because I overslept. What does it feel like to have not marched? I am disappointed in myself, I do not feel complete, I am upset that I am now having to deal with defamatory hate speech towards me and my campaign, I am upset that I have to now defend myself, that in no way was not attending part of a political agenda, or statement in opposition to women, or the purposes for women marching that day. I am upset that I have to now defend myself, or provide reasons for why I did not march -which there are none, I overslept. I’m not going to make up a bunch of reasons, or defend a bunch of reasons for not marching that do not exist, that would only make me look bad. I’m sorry I did not attend for any disappointment I may have caused to those who invited me to attend personally and professionally, I had no intent to cause harm or appear not in support of your causes, which I was not present to march for. I support women, and I support their march, and for every reason women decided to march that day. I wish I was apart of that group that day that marched in LA, very impressive, I missed out. I was looking forward to marching, work up at 10am.
What does Gender Identity mean to me. Its how you identity yourself in relation to those around you, it’s the characteristics that accentuate or define your gender, based upon, affected by the way others treat you, based on your appearance, dress, and demeanor. We all blend, naturally to one another, adjust our settings to accommodate one another through interaction, during this process of adjustment, our features traits also become adjusted accordingly, either to highlight another’s best traits or features, and not compete or outshine those we interact with. Some of us adjust in this way. Overtime, you become accustomed to any settings you feel most comfortable with in relationship to others, during interactions with others, and this how you identity your gender, which gender you most assimilate with, recognize similarities with, identify best with. That would be your chosen gender. For Women, Tomboy, for Men Metro. Tomboys and Metros are balanced, both identifying best with males and females, however the opposite characteristics shine dominate in their dress, appearance, and demeanor.