Ch 105 (continued) see part 1
You can use things to help understand but not connect and justify why you think is true only by what you know not by what others know can you be and achieve in life. Not everything is a given in life you don't always know everything or what to do that's apart of living life. Not being stubborn requires listening to others, some form of trust is always required in order to improve when you're not doing well. Don't easily trust others, when you are down, and don't allow the emotions of others toward you or around you to affect you. Always stay positive. Do unto others as you wish done to you. Don't assume anything. Life's not about money or success. It's about staying well in spite of your differences with others and in spite of whatever illnesses you may encounter in life not take those emotions out on others as purposeful. #mentalhealth
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Ch 104 v2 final draft
Sometimes you have to give up trying so hard. #stopsuicide Recognize your patterns and stay positive if what it is is bothering you then don't discuss what it is that is bothering you, that's plain and simple. You can't get far in life ruminating about the past or by feeling sorry for yourself. Have empathy, but not at your expense. We are all victims of crime when it occurs, be cognizant of that you're never alone. Advocacy is about not letting things get worse than it is, but always stick to what you believe in (positives) that's what keeps you going in life not negatives. As a general rule of thumb. Don't share private information with people in writing by email you would not share otherwise with anyone of professional standing, that's how you put yourself at risk of harm. Ch 104 (a) Live everyday as though it were your last. Always do your best. Work hard but don't be hard on yourself that's not how to like yourself if you're hard on yourself is how you get hurt well liked. I learnt this the hard way to lay low when my plate is full not over try to be well accept myself as I am I'm no example for wellness but I do my best to stay well not hurt or hurt the wellness of others, like minded is not an in it's an out. #mymollydollblog Re: #selfharm Things don't always work out but you can't be too hard on yourself. It's not for anyone to judge you or your places in life. You always make choices in life you have to live with make sure they're good choices. It's important not to be defensive to the interests of others nor your own, when you are well no fighting is always the best option toward staying well. Wellness is always in your best interest. When you waste time trying to be cool the only person you hurt is yourself. #dontdodrugs When you don't feel well it's easy to be hard on yourself especially during recovery, get upset about the past, and blame others, until you take responsibility for your failures in life can you move forward. #dontdodrugs As you look back on what has passed or transpired always think what you could have done better. In life we are not offered many second chances, you sometimes need to just make do with what you've got. Never surrender to the best interests of others when you yourself are not doing well put yourself in a position worse off by people pleasing this can only leave you feeling broken and torn mixed up about your interests and the best interests of others, sometimes this position leaves room for error on our part, overreacting to the little things in life and not appreciating everything positive we have to offer to the world as we are not by what people think we are. Giving love and showing love are two different things. Self-love is about knowing yourself and valuing yourself. You can't go running around looking for love. Love is given to you when earned. You have to be a good person to give love. When you don't love yourself you're more likely to #selfharm. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's all a matter of time, spent working on yourself and by setting goals for yourself improve. Don't let anyone bring you down in life. #dontdodrugs. ----- We don't always know what to do and that's okay. You don't know everything. Sometimes you have to learn when to stop and get help. Not everything works out in your favor always. Be patient with yourself. Never give up on doing your best in life. Don't be judgmental toward yourself. If you can forgive yourself you can forgive others. Sometimes life requires us to stay put not get too far ahead of ourselves but set goals that are: (1) meaningful (2) proactive (3) effective (4) positive; and (5) improve our best version of ourselves. No one can tell you how to live life that you have to figure out for yourself, what works best. How you communicate your needs to others matters, that's how you stay well through positive communications, always be respectful of the time and attention of others to your needs, make sure not to forget the needs of those to whom you are speaking to. It's all a matter of respect. You can't always be fearless in the pursuit of your dreams. That doesn't mean give in to your hardships, succumb to your weaknesses, and give in to failure or defeat. It's a feeling that requires you to stay put with your emotions, be able to sit with negativity, and face those fears head on, not by what makes you tick be inspired but by what keeps you moving forward is a blessing, not motivated by fears of negativity but by finding motivation within to achieve success or goals in life no matter how small, cannot happen on a whim but with dedication to values and discipline knowing how to be, do right in the world, and not allow oneself to be overcome by fears, keep going in life. It's not all about winning or losing life's not a soccer field and it's certainly not a competition in your daily endeavors for energy giving and retaining positivity but through positive exchanges we grow not by giving and receiving the energies of others grow. Do not be drained by contacts in life, communications, or interactions that's not what they're for. Stay inspired by the well, learn from the great, and value the successes of others in life, admire those who are well they always reflect back positive traits we deem worthy of our attention. #TeamUSA {You can't stop people from trying to make a positive difference. Some throw their lives away chasing nightmares and dreams -why it's important not to focus on those who are ill but focus instead on those who are well -how to get well. Once illness spreads its up to the professionals to remedy a situation an epidemic that is #gunviolence. Our prayers are with you always #endgunviolence.} > #dontdodrugs (new campaign) 📝 Re: National Day of Prayer 05/03/18 Prayer to me is symbolic of some need inside of us that needs peace, a place we can go where it's quiet and our needs feel met and we don't run from our problems but accept things the way they are. Prayer to me is that upon awakening to anything unsound we take a step back and rest think about where we've been and where we're going and what makes sense, is always clear when we pray. It's not a voice we listen to in particular but a place we can go spiritually where we feel better about ourselves and others. Prayer reminds us that it's never too late to pause or pick up from where we left off or go backwards to make perfect as we are now accepting of ourselves others and not let hurt fear or resentments sink in but feel uplifted like anything is possible it's a sense of peace we feel when we pray that helps us move forward and be loving toward ourselves open to others and not pass judgment on the past for little errors in life but be appreciative of how far you've come in life and be in the now make better yourself everyday and be yourself through prayer. That's unity, respect for one another. That's peace, knowing your past. And that's prayer, peacefully thinking forward and back. Somewhere in between is the goal, being in the now, that to me is prayer. #dayofprayer #nationaldayofprayer #pray4unity By: #lesliefischman #mymollydoll I made the biggest decision of my life, when I chose to reach out, get help, and continue to pursue a legal education. [There are moments in life] when time freezes—when we feel like we are stuck and can’t move forward— and today similarly feels like a nightmare that we can’t awake from. We get stuck in the moment, waiting for it to pass. We wonder that if we did something differently, then things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did and that if only we had the power, we could change the past.
However, we realize our own powerlessness when events happen to us that we have no control over. Throughout the past sixteen years, I have worked very hard to set myself apart. I learned to forgive those who have harmed those closest to us, realizing that there was nothing I could do but be compassionate and supportive. In order to deal with the trauma associated with that event, I redirected my focus, and decided to go to law school. As I continue to rally through adversity, I have found ways to identify the significance of that experience, our friendship over the years, and the events that followed, in a positive way. Making a positive difference required me to diversify the activities I became involved with and to remove myself from the cycle of trauma, and be proactive. I decided to volunteer for a local crisis hotline and after two years I researched, wrote, 2 and defended my Honor’s Thesis entitled “Dealing with Vicarious Trauma and Managing Emotions While Providing Advocacy to Survivors of Sexual Assault.” Volunteering enabled me to develop a deeper understanding of effect that trauma can have on one’s feelings of safety, emotional stability, and ability to adapt. The process of recovery and healing has had a significant impact on the person I am today and has given me unique insight into the field of trauma. It is not until we experience pain ourselves that can we begin to understand the pain associated with a significantly traumatizing event in one’s history. I know now that what I do in the present is vitally important to where I see myself in the future, so that I can continue making a difference and provide legal advocacy to those in need. June 1, 2013 (Unsent Letter) After five months of trying to make amends where needed, and clarify any misconceptions regarding my motivations for attending law school, I’ve finally come to a pause. During a period in which I was unable to make good decisions for myself I reached out to those who I thought would be the best examples of maintaining composure in times of extreme controversy. Often times the people who react first, are the one’s most knowledgeable. To my surprise I opened this invitation only after I returned home, almost a month after, separated from my souvenirs, it was laid flat with the newspaper and red bow it came with, assumed it was a general greetings letter sent from the Hotel in which I stayed a week prior, to walk around the city before it got too crowded. I flew to DC because I inherently knew that if there was anyone who could understand what it means to face adversity, it would be you and your family. The kind of pressure I feel I am under at times, can be overwhelming. I have always managed to persevere under circumstances which prior to this semester where outside of my control, and stated at being so in prior personal statements, which were flipped around by parties knowing that I felt this way, and positioned me in harms way, knowing that I have difficulty focusing, running the risk (willingly) to keep me out of structured environment, making me more susceptible to harming myself, so as to alleviate liability or free themselves of blame, and use my statement against me, to argue that she knowingly put herself in harms way and we in no way contributed to her positioning herself in harms way to which she became of harm to herself. I have always been honest to a T and never in anyway tried to outsmart or undermine my Professors or the Administration in their abilities to do their job, in fact I often visited the administrators office to handle forms and turn in papers in person because I felt comfortable around them and trusted them and never once questioned them or that they were in anyway trying to put me in harms way or ever feel like they turned against me. However, when I started dating my ex boyfriend, the climate around me began to change, and not understanding why, I became very depressed and did not know why my grades dropped, I never found law school difficult, and was at the top of my class when I started and felt that this was a school that I could excel in and stand out, never once did I feel that I was being downgraded or that I was being discriminated upon. I believe that my ex boyfriend, represented me in a way fitting to his theoretical perspective, and gave me a “notions” definition to see how my professors would respond, I do not know why he did not want me to become an attorney, I do not know why he did not want me to have my happy ending, I don’t know why he felt so threatened by my ability to successfully complete courses and take notes and argue and brief cases without being a head case and without getting paranoid. I don’t think it was appropriate for him to convince me that I was mentally ill, and I don’t think it was appropriate for him to accuse me of things or maliciously prosecute me [of being promiscuous], and go from being my boyfriend and telling me he loves me and wants to get back together with me, to turning on me and turning this into a full fledged war against me [is how I felt at the time, ignored]. I have never done anything to harm him, and he got a job working for the District Attorney’s Office upon me ending our relationship. Why? Because he was not getting hired, and I inherently knew that because he was too focused on belittling me and screaming at me, that it would be best that we part and that he had a better chance of getting a job if he was not busy fighting with me and putting me down and making me feel bad about myself for no reason, and focus on something positive like helping victims of crime, not trying to prosecute me and victimize me by a system I have always supported, the criminal justice system without hesitation have always been in full compliance with the law, to the best of my ability, and when necessary medical support is unavailable have sought alternative means to stay centered in the middle of storm I was thrown into without warning, which keeps getting worse and worse, the more I go back and read the emails that he sent me, which just stayed in my box unread and replied with a cordial and diplomatic response simply requesting that he stop attacking me and that he was not making it any easier in a general sense to forgive him for not being understanding or aware of the immediate danger and unstable condition I am in terms of my relationship with my family, and school, and past employers, and the general public who grew to question me based upon a sub-standard review by an ex boyfriend, who just wanted to crème me for no reason, because he was jealous I left him. Chapter 79: Journal Entries #3 (Handwritten) by Leslie A. Fischman
02-23-18 (Typed: 02/23/18) 02-22-18 #blogpost: Memory loss –causes for is it effective ever to reduce memory input –only if hearts sets on something else in life makes it hard to focus elsewhere. #blogpost: Trauma and memory loss … improvement upon focus on elsewhere why the mind travels when maxed out or tired, or processing discourse. –Similarly upon insult a freeze occurs that feels like a fog but if you talk yourself through it you achieve your inner peace without worry for or about. #blogpost: Lack of sensitivity –makes you look immature when you are put down when you come up you crack or crumble –how pressure freezes you. In order to maintain composure trust is needed. #blogpost: Be efficient how to be efficient important not to let loose when shy be easily encouraged by others. 02-22-18 When you are not in the right or wrong or lost you feel out of place and out of place causes displaced happiness –emotions offguard set you up for pain, why its important not to let loose when shy be easily encouraged by others. –Once privacy is lost it cannot be earned by a better image, its not a bad life. Unless you make things worse selfish is when you are overly concerned with you needs. - What does bossy controlling mean? Insecure worried about assembly not concerned with interests likes or dislikes but the whole big picture someone who doesn’t care what people think are successful have room to let go in life, love. - When technology causes you illness that means you are dependent on technology to see forward be yourself that’s an unhealthy attachment to be dependent on material goods for happiness you should always find peace without necessities. - When everything seems easy it was hard to put together –something that settles. 02-22-18 When not happy not where you want to be in life don’t take it out on others –your unhappiness –that’s not how you get well. When you talk $hit about good people it makes you look bad and the other innocent. Always direct energies toward self-esteem, progress, -bettering yourself best you can. When you are not comfortable with yourself you have a higher likelihood of being avoidant and a greater likelihood of delays or errors in judgment react poorly. When you take things personally you react poorly. Some commentary if looked for is not forgotten but everything else is forgotten only negative off commentary recalled negatives. –Don’t let people trash you because they think you need it or deserve it. If you cant comprehend something -that does not mean belittle to see better or make clear discomforts mistaken for hostility. That’s not the way out of a problem. Your best is the only way out of a problem. Your best is the only way to get to good in life feel good about yourself. Acceptance of self occurs when acceptance of your best is well received. Know your best –so when things get worse you have a place to go smart and well you remember in yourself when you don’t feel safe lose trust. Chapter 78: Journal Notes #2 (Handwritten Notes) by Leslie A. Fischman
02-22-18 02-19-18 Confidence is bliss –it’s a created idea in your head that you are where you’re supposed to be in life achieved, you’re supposed to be in life achieved, living with purpose. –A purpose greater than yourself. You need no guides in life to direct your focus or ambitions. Its insulting to motivate the motivated or to egg someone who is already hard on themselves. 02-20-18 If you do well in life achieve happiness you are looked upon with admiration. Pain hurts and cannot be repaired. You have to be willing to go the distance for change, and be the change you see in the World, in order for positive change to occur. Addictions and attachments are not the same thing or the same type of emotional investment as is a dream in life. Why you keep your dreams to yourself to reduce interference. Things only come true when you are focused on the present doing well. Not by living in the past with remorse or regret, that is not how one achieves. 02-20-18 Making connections can cause instability and emotional disturbances. Your wellness should not be defined by others but rather by the strength of your character, good character. Always be well to do well in life, how to behave. 02-20-18 You cant plan your life in advance at best you can be prepared. Never assume that everyone thinks the same that’s not how to go about life and healthy conversation to mimic, figure out, or dead into while. You should just accept people for who they are without passing judgment based upon inherited by outside opinions with a higher likelihood of negative interpretation looking inward at all. You should not think like someone outside of you, that causes mental illness. 02-21-18 Too much loss is disruptive to your health it breaks your heart when you experience any type of loss in life can be devastating. How you cope is up to you how you deal with depression. You cannot fall victim to sin or be of low moral when you are down, that subjects you to more harm to engage in risky behavior, risk to your health. When you are not well only you know how to get well, no one can get well for you. When you experience losses that are only of consequence to you, think how much do things matter. How deserving are you of happiness in life and should the opinions of others as to the maintenance of your well being be the business of others to judge, no –your wellness is your gift in life when you take good care of yourself. Its never anyones business how you repair or lift yourself after a down or what happens in your life before a down. Always be strong first for self and others secondly. How you get hurt caring and taken advantage of. Always do your best to think, speak, and behave responsibly –as others expectations matter and the expectations of others can hurt your esteem if not met, these are unknown social skills. Chapter 77: Journal Notes 1 (Handwritten) by Leslie A. Fischman
02-22-18 12-18-17 Being put together. Some people put things together to hurt you, if you allow them to and sometimes people put things together in a way that helps. –You cannot control the interpretations of others. Whether for or against you. It does not make sense why anyone would read along and not support me. But take benefit. –That does not make sense to me –why anyone would acquire information from a person they do not like. For what reasons are people negative toward others? For what reasons do people bring up the past (not true) to serve and benefit themselves, their viewpoints. For what causes do they seek to trigger to benefit themselves? There is always cause for worry once aggravated. Occurs when one side is not doing well and to better themselves bring down another side. This is called competition for happiness. When one cannot be happy for others or anothers happiness irritates them. That doesn’t make sense to me. Everyone deserves to live a normal life and do the best they can to achieve a normal life. There is never any excuse for anger or hostility toward others. Is never justified if not purposefully provoked. –Some problems exist within themselves. In it of themselves –in existence – meaning not existing because of others. –Problems, ideas, or thoughts. Are most likely generated from their own concerns. Assume from a good place to not contribute to those ills. –I was thinking about this today –There are conversations, then you leave conversations. How to control yourself during unwanted conversations and what to do in the event of aggravation. Usually its best to walk away, leave the conversation and not engage others in conversation –avoid fights. –How you function afterwards –is in your control. No one can control you your thoughts behaviors or how you function in life. It is never your responsibility to correct those who have harmed you. People who are exposed to abuse, used to those types of relationships will repeat those patterns toward you –hurt you again. Always be understanding. Especially when it comes to family and friends. Listen not tell people how you feel, but try to make new conversation, not relate whats going wrong with individuals not concerned with personal issues. Platforms are not for attention but for communication with others. How people identify themselves is their own responsibility, not the responsibility of everyone ever to help one person. A person should fix themselves to match their settings and blend in. Not stand out to be fixed. That’s trying – recipe for seeking unwanted attention to if talked about can place blame on others –try to make someone like you or have similar issues to be addressed or fixed. Best to get professional advice, not wear others out with negativity. Once you change it will seem like everything changes around you. 12-20-17 Be thankful for every passing day you live. Life is not short but it does not need to be painful or lived in regret – if you make the right choices no one can hurt you. –Only yourself by your perceptions. –Your cares and by your outlook in life and by the judgments you pass on others. Look to your future for peace. All that your left with then is your present. –Your present circumstances always figure out/predict your future. What may seem trivial in retrospect is never easy to bear when presently undergone. Everything you’ve been through in life matters. –Welcome your thoughts with a critical and smart heart that cares for yourself help yourself achieve your present –noticed achievements will always help others in a way that’s not hurtful but helpful. Never manipulate emotions recognize them and always set them aside first. What you willingly respond and react to will determine your ability and your ability reflects your present outlook without having to explain yourself to others. What makes sense to you may not make sense to all. –You have to find your own drives in life –Whether or not always maintain stability a sense of normalcy to achieve inner peace –we discussed this. “Once you change it will seem like everything changes around you” 12-18-17 “Always be the best version of yourself” (@leslie_fischman, Instagram 2016). When you change what matters to you will help you overcome what bothers you. Change occurs daily never at once and always in parts. “Whole is the sum of its parts” #famousquote. Never cease to exist –your mind matters but your life and livelihood accepted is more important. 12-28-17 You should never become too dependent on any one thing or person for love. That is up to you how you play your cards in life and where you end up in life is up to you. Don’t fret the small stuff in life. Always focus on the big picture. If you’re not where you need to be in life and not happy then think about what will make you happy in life. Never get too caught up in the delusion of unhappiness. Don’t lock yourself into unhappy or unwanted thoughts. Think about what it is that will make you happy. Is what you’re doing right now going to help you achieve happiness in life why or why not. Don’t let anyone bring you down in life. –We all get sick sometimes its all a matter of getting well and staying well. 12-29-17 You have to be careful –what you consume affects you. What is becoming of you is when you represent yourselves and others well. Always be in control of your emotions. What you send out (energy) gets sent back to you. Especially on social media. –Where we are easily affected by others and easily misread. Who you are and who you are associated to matters. You build those associations to you by the likes you choose. –How people see what matters to you –and what youre affected by. Always see the big picture. –Nothings a big deal if you don’t make it out to be a big deal. Think in terms of consequences. –How does your audience feel. That’s a good indicator of how you should project yourself online to others –help make normal others. When you are normal everything around you will feel normal too. 01-18-18 Im not feeling well today. Im not sure whats wrong it must be stress … on my heart making me feel bad about myself. Im having difficulty feeling good in life and finding joy and satisfaction again in life. I just want to feel well and do well. Maybe I need to study for my life and health exam. [At the time I got a job as a life insurance agent, and did not stay, too difficult to learn new material right now, that’s why]. I think that will make me feel better about myself not communications. I think too many communications subjects me to harm and hardship in life. Im trying to just maintain a steady head on my shoulders at this point not worry too much about what others think of me and just stay positive. Im not sure whats wrong with me. I should not need to convince everyone of my mental illness or whats wrong with me. I just wanted to do well in life and now Im not doing well. I don’t think that my life should be ruined. I should still have an opportunity to achieve in life and do well with or without others. [ie. Be independent of others, regain my sense of self-confidence]. 01-28-18 You have to be careful what you write online not all of it is in your best interests to share out loud –some of it when put together can make you look delusional and paranoid when written said out loud and explained. If its just something bothering you it need not be something that has to bother everyone. That is a misnomer that something that bothers you a little now is so important to discuss because it will bother you more at some future point in time. You just have to let things go and not be bothered by others or happenings, whether or not to do with you or others. That’s just a manifestation of your paranoia nothing to do with the judgments passed by others. 01-06-18 When you’re bad, people will try to situate blame upon you to get you to say and behave in a way that illustrates what puts you in those shoes in life and what is considered your downfall. Always listen to others and not try too hard or be defiant as that looks like ego over compensation for retardation or disability/addiction. You cannot change what others think of you or be put together. Sometimes you have to learn when to quit or change pace or stop before its too late, you only have one life to live, don’t ruin it chasing dreams, or you will not feel good about yourself if you do things to feel good or to make others feel good just work hard, be your best self. 02-07-18 Just because I don’t write doesn’t mean I have no thoughts. Im just resting need to conserve my energy due to burn out. What is wanted –is what is communicated. You have to be strong. 02-07-18 When people get upset with you they expect something from you provoked behavior to cause a consequence or a fact to occur to connect. That’s mean and elaborate to connect bad to good. You cannot go backwards in life image wise once youre done youre done. Its hard to repair yourself. Its never too late to get healthy be well. 02-07-18 You cannot be a machine in life you have to keep going but not put yourself at risk of harm. That’s not just about image but about your health and your heart. In order to stay strong you have to be good. 02-07-18 I feel like literal interpretations can cause illness. Its not for one to judge the other based upon choices in life. 02-07-18 Its never too late to change and speak well of yourself otherwise they test for negative patterns hurt you. Always listen to your Doctor trust them. 02-07-18 No Im not always on my phone. Im a writer. I wrote my book on my phone. 02-08-18 I don’t think that setups are necessary to hurt others esteem to prove guilt or not be watched constantly that’s an abuse of power an unwanted touching of my mind. Im not an experiment. I cannot listen to songs of victims. That’s too polluted harmful to the purpose of being positive not thinking negatively about self and/or others. I’m sorry I said to my Dad if he goes I’ll go with him, that wasn’t nice of me to say that, I should be positive. I never complain or blame others for my problems. 02-08-18 You cant win them all life is not a game to be broken or one sided or not. No harm to others is ever valuable to society. 02-08-18 Im having difficulty being. My sense of being is physically disturbed. Why Im on heavy meds. I don’t have identity issues. Im not a violent person toward self or others. Im not feeling well feeling ill need to get my rest and sleep now get my energy back no worry others. Not share pains or delusions just be normal. [removed] 02-19-19 02-10-18 What happens when others try to be you in life not themselves problems occur. –You can always help others but you cannot always be perfect in life. It takes time to get to better in life. –Life’s not all about mystery. –When you share too much about yourself you run the risk of getting blamed in life for causes and circumstances outside of your immediate control. –You cannot change others only yourself. Don’t expect people to change for you. You are responsible for yourself always. People will think what they want if misguided to feel better than. –That’s irresponsibility toward others. 02-10-18 Secrets don’t really help when everyone knows something you don’t know. –Setting you up for failure in life, when you do your best and your best is not good enough. –You get compared to the ill –wealthy. Im not successful with money never paid. –Don’t make me ill, treat me as sick. –Need to take a nap now rest. 02-10-18 When youre not feeling well there is nothing you can do to make your life better. That’s when pain hits –its called disappointment occurring on a high note in life when you are doing well and you get sent backwards in life. –So you cannot function well. That is how people get hurt caring for and about others. Always be respectful of the time and spaces of others. –You never know who is fragile who is not. Always be kind to others. 02-10-18 I never self-sabatoge usually when doing well you attract others and from that attention a judgment is made as to your sense of being –niceness to others, care future well being in hardship. 02-14-18 The feeling like you cant go backwards in life is usually an error so grave that it hurts your esteem socially permanently. It takes time to recover from embarrassment to self. You just have to stay positive. Not everything you say matters. But you should always matter and what you say about others matters too. 02-14-18 I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately about my future and what I want to do with my life. Start a career and marriage. Met a soldier online who likes my writing and wants to marry me. How sweet. It takes time to build a life for yourself. It doesn’t happen overnight. 02-16-18 I’m starting to get my energy back slowly. Ive not been well these past few months but just starting to feel better again. Ive been talking to Drake he’s overseas in Afghanistan. I’m going to meet him in April to visit and meet him. Im not sure what is best for him to meet me here in CA or fly to New York to meet him. This whole thing sounds complicated. He told me to be patient. He wants to marry me. 02-18-18 When Im feeling faint that probably means that something is really wrong or really unfixable. It’s the point –or past the point of no return. Sometimes you have to know when to stop. You can do your best a job well done but eventually you can never get anywhere in time. How do you prevent crime? If I knew how I’d keep trying. 02-18-18 In order to feel well you have to be doing well its hard to do well when things are not going well for you. –I just met someone new and I hope we are a match. I know that they always say that they can find better. But I just want to be with someone who thinks that Im good enough for them. –I was thinking about my AA meetings today. I was thinking about going back. I really need a car though. –I just started dating someone new online Drake Meyer. Hes a soldier. He really loves me and wants to marry me. He’ll be home for a month in April. I look forward to meeting him. He might even come to CA and meet my family. We met on Facebook he sent me a friend request and I accepted. Im glad I did I ignored all the other friend requests except for his. Im glad he sent me one. 02-20-18 When things are not going well that’s not time to change the way you are to accommodate anyone else’s needs but your own, that only puts you at risk of harm. Image is not important, and its impossible to look trashy in crisis that’s a gives. But when you do not value yourself or when you are not valued you will be treated as trash or trashy and that’s how you will appear to others is called image. Some don’t care some are picky some conservative. But how you carry yourself your image should always best represent yourself in life. You are in control of your own thoughts and behaviors –any emotional instability is always a product of your choices in life not necessarily by belief, trend, or influence, we are always on our own when it comes to learning, the hardest part. Chapter 76B: Blog Posts by Leslie A. Fischman
02-19-18 When You Don’t Value Yourself by Leslie A. Fischman 02-19-18 With enough love anything is possible. However, when you do not value yourself you run the risk of getting hurt, yourself, or have the increased potential for watching others get hurt when at a stand still not in action and off base with reality, therefore putting yourself or others at risk of harm. When you yourself are not strong, its important to surround yourself with those who are strong, and to request for the assistance and help of those who are strong to help you cope, as your aides. Never take under your care, others, when you yourself are not strong enough to bear the consequences of another’s instability. One should be strong in order to care for others. You cannot allow, people to run the course of their mental illnesses without notice, or without punishment, or intervention, these matters must always be dealt with on a case-by-case basis, accordingly, and swiftly. When hospitalized in July, I was disoriented to say the least, out of my element. I was taken to the emergency room, they thought I was suicidal I was not, I had just not come home one night, and had stayed up all night in my car parked on Ocean Ave. I usually parked there to think at night, that’s where I have parked for years now. Where I went running everyday since 2014. My 20 min to 1 hour run. You never know how things will turn out for you in life. If you do as you are told, and always do your best, then you should be fine. If you do not follow directions well, then things turn out adversely for you. That is but a consequence of not following directions in life. You have to always trust your superiors, as they are at best looking after you, your best interests, and the best interests of others at all times. We call these people leaders. Leaders are responsible for caring for more than one person, more than one person within an organization, and leads by what governs within that organization, by its rules, and regulations, and follows protocols within that group it leads. People who lead are given jobs, and those who are given jobs are respected in society. Those who are not given jobs not paid are not respected. Expectations and Recovery by Leslie A. Fischman 02-19-18 When you go through any changes in life, there are expectations that you will come out a better person, or have arrived at some new place in life, experienced some kind of life changing experience that opens your eyes to the World. You have to always be patient with yourself. You cannot rush through life, hoping and praying for everything to go as planned, that’s nonsensical and not realistic. Usually you live moment to moment and live for the moment. That’s the best way to live. Those who live rigid on plans, are usually unhappy people, when things don’t turn out as planned. Ask yourself are you one of those people? Is it your mission in life to cause unhappiness or happiness in the lives of others, and to what extent does your own happiness or unhappiness affect others. Those are questions you should always ask yourself, when considering the consequences of change in your life, how will change affect those around you. Some changes we can afford, some changes we cannot afford, and some changes we have no control over, some changes we have a say in, and some changes we have no say in. That’s just apart of life. You have to roll with the punches so to speak. We cannot control everything in life, at best we can control ourselves, and the decisions we make at the present and changes we seek to effect in our lives for the better, that’s at most the change we have control over. As far as other people are concerned, we are not able to control the changes other people make in their lives, nor are we capable of convincing people to change, people can only change when they are willing to change, on their own, that’s apart of life. Chapter 76: Instability by Leslie A. Fischman
02-20-18 Instability is caused by lack of stability not fear. It's what you think is going to happen that keeps things from happening in your life leaves you at a stand still unachieved. In order to achieve in life you need to be moving forward and doing daily things that better not only yourself but help prepare you for your future becoming steadily someone your future self will be proud of. Never do anything you would ever regret. That causes one to resent oneself, whether in private or in public never do anything that you're uncomfortable with. For those of us who are very conservative it's hard for us to let down our guard and when we do let down our guard easily taken advantage of then in the reverse rejected treated as less than I don't get it. Even in times of hardship, mistakes are made. You would think that the fewer the options in life one has the better the choices that person would make in their life. But that simply is not the case. -People subject themselves to harm when in the public sphere under a microscope why it's important to maintain your sense of privacy to keep a level head about you, now that makes sense. You cant wonder how things could have been that never were, if not -if things were never good then no such losses in life should bring you down now. You would think that that were the case so but its not. Sometimes we suffer immeasurable harms from mistakes made in our lives that cannot be corrected no matter how hard we try. Sometimes you don't full understand concepts until things happen in your own life or to the lives of others presently to understand values, that's the sad truth that losses bring, added value to life, by leaving us with less to value, that should not dictate to us what's important or who. We may gain confidence we may lose confidence it's all a matter of how you present yourself. Be kind to yourself and others throughout the process of recovery unyielding emotions of self-doubt due to lack of trust causes us not only to second guess ourselves but to second guess others -also known as paranoia. Be wary of the consequences of withdrawal from any stimuli as the fog is only momentary and requires a certain back for regrouping and focus on attentions elsewhere toward happier places in life sources of light in sadness and strength in doubt and courage in hardship those are marks of a good person willing to move forward of strong character not weak attributes. Be gentle toward yourself -you cannot fix all things about yourself but you can learn to accept the parts that have caused you pain in the past, resentments, harm, and pain personally, professionally, and academically we call these failures in life due to (1) lack of focus (2) treated as lack of focus due to self-error not error on behalf of others focus or needs. That's called a resentment when we blame others for our current status for a time passed. When someone doesn't like you they won't like things about you and you will sense that outside of yourself dislike toward you that interferes with your own ability to be happy function positively among. Your ability to adapt becomes circumvented by the characteristics traits opinions of another not your own to whom you've come into contact with that's called a voice. How one hears voices, paranoid. Ch 75: Understanding Your Moods by Leslie A. Fischman
(Understanding Yourself): Life is full of highs and lows you just have to be ready for everything always stay balanced. When you get knocked off center the best way to get back on track is to take a step back -assess what's gone on and what you need to do to cope better or deal with what's going on in your life. The more you avoid your problems the worse things get. Always face life's challenges head on don't be afraid to ask for help. It's easy to get stuck in our ways stubborn and not be good listeners in times of need, that's no way to move forward and find resolve. The best way forward is by properly coping with our problems dealing constructively with our problems in a way that does not affect or impact others but can deal with do so privately on our own, not in public spaces. There's a certain risk to expressing yourself in public spaces -when you overexpose yourself you run the risk of either (1) embarrassment (2) embarrassing others (3) discomfort meaning making others uncomfortable or you yourself becoming uncomfortable in public or around others in private or public spaces. It causes mental illness to overexpose oneself and to share ones problems in a group setting be very careful to whom you confide in and make sure always to confide in those who are trustworthy and professional if not hired professionally to help you such as a Doctor or Therapist. When aggravated don't feed into the negativity that will only bring you down in life. Some are just looking for negative attention don't feed into it. Always focus on yourself. When in love the best way to make it work is to keep busy and to focus on yourself not get jealous over the little things or possessive or paranoid. There's no use being with someone if you can't trust them or if they can't trust you it will never work out you have to be stable in order for any relationship to work out. Don't wait until it's too late to say how you feel. In the alternative -don't say something and later regret saying what you've said and wish you could have said things differently or not at all. Once things are said you can't go backwards. People will think what they want to think. Everyone has their own MO in life, and it's not for you to judge others based on how things appear as to what conditions do or do not affect you. You just have to do you and not worry what other people think. The more you worry what people think the more you empower others to cause harm to you and in return disempower yourself. You'll never be happy so long as you stay stuck in the past lamenting on the could've should've would'ves. Eventually you just have to keep moving forward. You can't let every little thing affect you otherwise you won't be able to function. Part of life requires you to be resilient to stress and strain. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to be a fighter in life give 150% day in and day out, it just means that you have to keep trying even when you don't feel like trying, suit up show up and do you best to be present in the moment. -Life can be odd at times, and sometimes difficult, you just have to eventually learn how to roll with the punches, there are also devastations we may encounter in life ... give yourself time to heal and don't be so hard on yourself. Every step for every journey in life requires a different set of tools and coping mechanisms to get through, as you get older you become better attuned to your needs -whereas as you experience life you figure out what's working best for you bettering yourself everyday. Life's challenging, no one ever said that life was easy, but it's doable don't quit. Give yourself time to heal rest is everything and when you're ready to begin again, hopefully everything will fall into place if your house is in order first. These things you cannot predict best you can be is stable during times of turmoil. When others need you -be there for them. Likewise, if you're lucky that same care will be reciprocated should you need help one day whether by those or by others receive help from. You have to always be patient with yourself and others, life's not necessarily about lessons as much as it is about overcoming emotions and dealing with emotions constructively if there's lessons to that then that must be what lessons are about. You have to stay calm under pressure and willing to go about the changes you encounter in life, it's easy to get sick and discouraged when focused on the wrong things in life or on our own weaknesses in life, best to stick to your strengths always in times of need not be experimental and handle things one by one as needed not overdone or in excess -making good use of your time and the time of others. Your health is everything focus oriented, what you focus on matters, what you focus on affects your overall health and well being, what's important to you in life gives your life meaning must always be things that support positive functioning help you and/or others make progress in life. Whether as an employee or volunteer or student any type of work achieved is good work under the supervision of professionals. What you do outside the scope of your assignments is up to you to decide -spend your free time wisely. Don't waste time forming unhealthy habits and spend your free time forming healthy habits you'll thank yourself later for it. It takes awhile to figure out how to pick yourself back up again after you stumble and you fall. Some things don't come naturally to us. Sometimes you have to envision a better life for yourself in order to live it. You can only get so far in life wondering and contemplating about where you're headed in life or where you want to be in life wish you could be in life that eventually you have to start being proactive and doing things everyday to help you get to where you want to be in life. Although nothing comes easy in life, nothing comes pre-packaged either, there are no pre-packaged remedies or solutions to problems most of the time and we have to figure things out on our own. That's the toughest part about life is learning from our mistakes and living with the burden of those pains, regrets in life. You have to just keep moving forward. You can't keep blaming yourself every time something goes wrong in your life. How you put things together matters as to resolving your own problems and where you fit in relationship to those problems, knowing your part in it means knowing when you're wrong or right and when you know and understand that then and only then can you correct that behavior. -No one ever assumed that anyone successful could ever acquire problems of their own that they were unable to deal with -that's a false assumption that just because someone is successful that they're somehow immune from the experience of problems. They say everyone has problems -that is true. We are only human, whether at the top or not we are all capable of being emotionally affected by one another, that should come of no surprise. You just have to be open to new experiences and accepting of the past, if you want to move forward in life, that's the easy part, the hardest part is processing the past while trying to stay present and be awake enough to plan for the future. If you want anything to go right in life you have to stay steady but not slow ie fast enough able to keep up with the pace of life. This takes time and adjustment. Some of us have disabilities and find difficulty functioning and performing in general focusing on tasks, overcome by worries and fears that keep us from accomplishing our goals in life. -If you live in constant worry and fear you'll never get anything done. The best way forward sometimes is to regroup think twice backtrack if you need to reprioritize and step forward anew. Chapter 74: Mental Health Issues by Leslie A. Fischman
02-18-18 When you get back to normal, always count your blessings and count them twice. Bipolar is no joke. Manic episodes can last for days, sometimes even weeks. Prolonged periods of mania and depression can be very taxing and tiring on friends and family who eventually run out of patience and compassion. You can only be so empathetic until you leave it up to that person to change rather than give any acceptance away and condone any behaviors that need changing. It's a hard road, and an uphill battle, not many can face alone, requiring much needed medical attention, and a lot of talk therapy to sort things out. Don't get down on yourself, thought disorders can be overcome you just need to be patient with yourself. It's easy to convince yourself when isolated that things are a certain way that they are not. You just have to listen to others when they are trying to help you get back on track. You can't veer so far off track to the point of no return you should always at least find some middle ground with others when experiencing disordered thoughts and mental illness that's how to get better when you reach out for help. When you know what you want in life go out there and get it. Sometimes the only thing standing between you and your goals is yourself. In that case -figure out what it is that is preventing you from getting over those hurdles in life. What is it that is holding you back. For some of us, often times our insecurities get the best of us, making it difficult for us to try new things or put ourselves out there, too reserved and held back in life. When we are reserved we don't experience in life and when we don't experience life we miss out on opportunities we could have had had we put ourselves out there more. When the years seem like they flew by its almost like that out of body experience -when you feel yourself looking at yourself wondering how you got here. There's only one of you, and if you don't like yourself now, then you better start trying. Usually people who don't like themselves now, liked themselves in the past, but cannot replicate that feeling at the present and because they can't go backwards can't move forwards or see forwards well or see themselves visualize themselves well in the future. It's more than nostalgia and living in the past, a has been, but it's being completely avoidant of now living for the moment and appreciating the present and what you do have -focusing too much on the past is a sign that you're not in gratitude but that you're unhappy ungrateful and not appreciative -scary to think that of yourself but it's true face it. When you're not happy with now but happy with your past you're not appreciative of what you do have. Notice that had you not gone through what you've gone through you would not be where you are today, had you not experienced what you experienced in life you would not be where you are today or have what you have today that's plain and simple -a plain and simple truth. Always keep that in mind, be in the here and now. When you think you're larger than life that means you have a bigger head on your shoulders than you deserve. Means you're not appreciative of where you are in life do not realize what you have in life therefore have no awareness of what you have to lose in life by engaging in risky activities and behaviors. It's only until you lose everything do you realize this. When under the pressure of any microscopic lense we of course take a closer look at ourselves. We cannot control how others view us only control how we view ourselves and what we do here forward with our lives to better ourselves. No one can take your life away from you that's up to you to decide for yourself what you are willing to let go in life. -Know that you are not replaceable above all things you are most important to repair. You can lose everything but most of all never lose yourself always be in control of yourself and your emotions, calm. Nothing is perfect in life. We must address our concerns in a piecemeal fashion always. Don't rush through the problem solving process, always take your time when in crisis. When you get to your core concerns think what can I do to better myself to better my life to help better the lives of those around me. Think first from your own shoes not from the shoes of another when it comes to problem solving and resolving issues first within yourself. You cannot help others until you yourself are whole feel whole and complete. Think what is it that will make you feel complete in life then go out there and achieve that. Whether it's work, relationships, friendships, social or not -everything takes work, a conscious effort put forth to make it work, always do your part, know your part in it, if you want to be apart of the lives of others. Nothing comes easy in life. I was once told to surround myself with people who have something that I want or a quality I don't have. Huh? I thought to myself. But what if I already like myself. This was a hard concept to grasp that in order to change you had to not like yourself and want to be like someone else, however that philosophy makes sense I'm not sure how and why but for the sake of wellness I can see that for that quality of well one should strive to achieve the same. It's not easy to move forward after experiencing any type of loss or failure in life. Always think outside of yourself, you are not the only person in the World with problems, there are others too who struggle, and who may even have it worse off in life. Always be grateful for what you do have. Until you realize what you do have, will you be able to achieve better in life. You have to appreciate now in order to begin building a better life for yourself. One step at a time. Recovery is a process. So is overcoming mental health issues, and the stigma associated to both. Learn to accept yourself in spite of the opinions of others, what people think should not bother you nor keep you from achieving in life. Be strong, first for yourself and for others. You never know what life will throw your way. Always be there for others, understanding and compassionate in times of need. You never know when someone could use a friend or a helpful sounding board in times of need. So long as you mean well you can do no wrong. So long as it is always coming from a good place you can never say the wrong thing no matter what the circumstances are. So long as you are conscientious of the feelings and the emotions of others and do not bother those who are directly affected by current traumas nothing you say away outside the scope of that trauma can be applied as affecting or intended to affect those who are in a state of trauma. Only by direct association in the line of duty are we associated to those who are affected by traumas to which we seek to address via services we provide through volunteer work within the given organizations we volunteer for. Otherwise words shared in private spaces aside from volunteer work are not intended to be associated or applied to volunteer efforts which are separate and supervised by a professional organization. If something doesn't make you feel good that usually means stop. Never continue engaging in an activity that causes you or others harm. Sometimes you need to learn how to let go. It's not easy but we were not meant to do everything at once and spread ourselves thin, at best we can pace ourselves, multi-task, and by working diligently get things done accordingly, but not always as planned. We can do our best to be on time, have good timing in life, and be prepared, but we can't always expect the unexpected and when the unexpected occurs it's not our responsibility to blame others for surprises, had it not been for them no surprise would have existed or come about. You just have to have faith in the systems in place and let people do their jobs, and know that everyone always does their best. Have faith in that. We cannot consume ourselves with emotions that don't help but hurt us more than we are already hurting or have already struggled with. Learning to cope and how to go about dealing with emotions is an ongoing process of recovery and healing that takes time. Always be patient with yourself and others. |
AuthorLeslie A. Fischman Please Note: I have finished writing the first draft of my first book, still editing Ch 13-25, my goal is to publish my book 2020 after I graduate, working on myself right now.
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