I just finished running for 45 x 3x = 2hrs 15 mins. I wasn’t quite sure what David Cay Johnston meant when he said good luck with your dissertation and defense, certainly not buy $300 purple headphones from mac … I didn’t have a car for a year. I just drank ¼ bottle of vodka and ran for 2 hrs and 15 mins, should’ve taken the breathalyzer, but its one selfie too late, “we saw a light” ya that was me crying rejected, driving home after 3 drinks sent to a bar by another bar I sang at after getting F’d in my car, walked to my car, and chatted two for awhile about life. Its doesn’t matter at this point, I drive a ford focus now, no one is on my team in life, now its time to find a purpose to live life … no excuses about it, I’m only 33 and ready to go, why? I love myself, but its love from others that is not certain, that is not unique to me, it doesn’t matter where you come from, we all shout things, before making bad decisions, that doesn’t necessarily mean that we are in the wrong, or with the intent of doing wrong in life, but left with fewer options than necessary to get by, and forced to look differently to appease others, or to undo the wrongs about others toward us, as justified if we put ourselves up to it. To avoid pleasing the wrong crowds in life, its important not to justify behavior towards by instigating argument towards oneself, when others are cold toward us, just assume that it may be a matter of comfort toward you not judgment, and that’s not your responsibility to reinforce, or later justify as deserved rightfully so. 3 drinks and driving ruined my life … no matter how well off your are in life, you are never well enough to make someone else happy who is not happy with themselves, that’s the lesson to be learned, no matter how good you make them feel it is not your responsibility to make another feel good to feel good or to feel good making someone else feel good, that usually drains and disempowers you in doing so, be wary of momentary instances of happiness, you are your own best friend, you’re soul only leave you if you allow others to control you, its when frozen we are hardest on ourselves, don’t allow others to feel better at your expense, you will always at the time know if its not a match, and if so, don’t let the moment pass, its okay to walk away from moments in life, everything sticks when awake, and when blacked out, those moments too stick, do not respond to the discomforts of others toward you, and at your own expense, react and respond to negativity, when you rise above those feelings of insecurity you are less likely to be judged as less than, and deserve more in life, beyond just simple things as respect and being heard or listened to, but exist for your own good, not live for others, and set ourselves up for disappointment in life, there is more to life than love, and sometimes, doing the right things means living for yourselves to get along best with others, assume that everyone is doing their best to move forward not relive the past.
What You Think Matters
What you think matters. Its important to always be preserved not put yourself or others at risk of harm, when you are bad, use alcohol or drugs you put yourself at risk of harm for best decision making and as a result you get hurt, and crumble and fall, that’s what happens when you don’t listen to your parents. Who love and who are there to help you, always trust them, its not always necessary to talk to law enforcement or bother them with your concerns, only if to help yourself or everyone. Or to report people who are not well, and who are struggling right now. So that they can best assist those in need, and help those who need help most. Im sorry I went on a Tinder date, Im supposed to be bi, stay celibate, or not at all. For 6 years I have stayed celibate, not hooked up but on occasion with trusted companions. This was a huge mistake, I’m not sure why I went on a Tinder date. You can’t fix the times, by creating a story to out story a story that you think by your calculations will lead people into focusing on the negatives and then like x-men see without knowing how to control, those negatives from sight, or reoccurring during their though processes, while assembling what it is they believe to be the big picture, and how to interpret like circumstances as describing the past, use the present to shed light, make light of, or communicate in conjunction to negatives, that’s not the solution, communicating back to those who cause harm to us, enable others to harm people, or reinforce negative judgments about others, as like or as deserving the same as those who are labeled bad seeds in life, before a seed goes bad, it goes through a process of passing judgment, an educated opinion which if cannot be drawn from circumstances, in the positive, means that some wrong has occurred and that discomfort can be abused to provoke behavior to reinforce negative judgments upon people without them knowing what has been laid out already, there is no game to life, we are all new, if you assume that much about life, you never feel left behind or short sighted in life, less than others, simply because your understanding is different, or not as whole and confident appearing as others, does not mean that one has a better grasp on reality or the big picture, just certain of themselves, you cannot manipulate people, any attempts to do so, reflect poorly on ones character, that’s not how best to communicate to be controlling or a negative influence upon others judgments of people, especially when they are well, encourage the mislabeling of good members of society to see how they respond without knowing what is said about them, and assume that by empowering the negative judgments toward them assumed, is deserved. Sometimes we don’t make good decisions for ourselves, that is the beauty of life, some are better off, left to admire, while others seek to achieve the same or better than, those are called goals in life, and goal setting is a normal process toward anything good for oneself, those goals keep in mind should never be stressed or focused upon to tell a story about someone as deserved without them knowing, we can only at best be honest, and never assume that when communication does not occur, or when communications are poor, that that is based upon a negative foundation or a foundation fragile by opinions held, it could simply be keeping someone out of harms way, its easier to create heroes in life than it is to be one, and easier to trust, when people take it upon themselves to be trusted, makes the decision making process easier to comprehend, always see the good in others, and assume they mean well, never be defensive about the decisions made by people, is rarely if ever in cohorts to a majority viewpoint, but mostly upon their own sense of comforts in life, adjust or fail to adjust to their surrounding, including people and the opinions assumed held by others, not everything blends, and if someone is not blending in that doesn’t mean that they are of permanent defect, because of their past or present condition or due to their surroundings, it takes time to warm up, after you’ve given up in life, everything takes time to heal, the less you focus on those who have caused harm or seek attention by their wrongs, to communicate an opinion, don’t be easily misguided to understand a less well viewpoint, it could not backfire but in consequence assume the position of the wrongdoer, ie. Becoming the holder of a belief, provoked by someone who has purpose to mislead the beliefs or well of others … that is their intent to create support for their thoughts, support your own wellness, that’s how best to communicate positives in life … the more you let go, the more positives can occur on their own, not by provocation or by controlling what people think or how people think, always be yourself, some things in life you take with a grain of salt called acceptance, it’s a temporary solution always to what is uncertain, let people prove themselves right in life, not do the work for them. When you protect your sense of self, everything else identity wise falls into place, regardless of what others think of you, we all have our own tune in life, if everyone were the same then life would be boring … its by our choices in life we choose to add excitement to our lives, choices. Staying home and not going out since 2003, over a yearbook, was not the solution either, nor was making friends with the girls, through my neighbors, and taking a group shot to post on Facebook … minus the Cocaine binging alone, that’s how I handled my breakups alone, cocaine and iTunes (Age 20), HUGE mistake. It took me many years to get my higher ordered thinking back, excel in school and get into law school, it took me 3 LSATs to get into law school I took over the course of a few years, the first in 2006. #dontdodrugs #rehab
My Gay neighbor does special effects for film working in Santa Monica, and goes, “So who do you think did it?’ -Funny how things turn out, in the wrong direction, miscommunications often lead to much trouble shorted in life, forward. And then I bought purple headphones instead of pink headphones, it was as though I got kicked out of a gender, without a ring. That could just be disappointment … not fitting in, doing the opposite, reinforcing negative attention, only does you more harm than good, proving them right, instead of proving them wrong, keep your chin up … its not the end of the world, getting dumped, let go, or suffering from mental health issues, as a result of being ignored or given the silent treatment, don’t let anyone get under your skin, so deep that you begin to crawl unhappy with yourself, pleasuring the outcomes thought deserved by others, for you in your life, its not a competition, love, but its more about respect, and taking good care of yourselves. Dating is for love not acceptance. You can’t just have people in your life, to look good, if you don’t get along, well then it won’t work.
There Are Things Said and Things Not Said That Don’t Matter
Who’s class matters. What class ends and what class matters, high or whether not high, is the question, you think I’m high on what life or others, or sex or drugs or alcohol, or cocaine or adderrall or abilify or any medication updates, social media trends or power or people, that is absurb. It’s called life. What matters to me is none of your business, what inspires me is none of your business, what motivates me is one of your business, what my goals and aspirations in life are none of your business, do not change or dictate or change the direction in my life to acquire or circumscribe to suit your needs or validate your judgments about me to suit your interests or your sides, that is not a good purpose, to misuse another’s life or redirect their purpose. Either by misreading them, their associations, or their intent in life. You cannot make someone look well to some, and not well to others, keep separate. When one is well, that is a safe time for interaction, otherwise, allow people time to adjust, and get well on their own, upon getting well is when social interaction takes place, also known as letting down your guard, some people are privied to witness such events in life, and sometimes we are judged poorly, comfortable with ourselves or not, nothing is about people, its more about … staying well, energy wise, not being so easily misdirected or allowing others to treat you as something you are not, with an ill will toward others, or tested to see based upon what is known, make known to a larger group of people, to see how they respond, that is not a good way of using a resource, by tampering with a solid foundation, to see how it affects the readers, it affects the writer, when my ability is tampered with, that is my personal records.
I took myself to jail because I committed Suicide February 2009, when I got pulled over, it was no surprise, I had been pulled over once before, skipped the breathalyzer and sobriety test in the whole foods parking lot … that was a decision that I made to punish myself for so that I could move forward in my life, I at the time did not understand that that would open the door for hardships later in life, I thought that that was part of a solution forward, punishment, but I didn’t see that that would create problems for me in the future moving forward. I was fighting with Aaron at the time, he was screaming at me via text messages, and started hitting my head. He was upset with me because I was drinking alone at the bar, like the Christmas cards I handed out at work in 2008, with Santa Claus instead of James Dean in the window, at the 40s style restaurant. I had just returned home from DC and was thinking about life, and getting poor grades in law school, what to do with my life, I was writing in my phone and drinking alone ... no big deal, he did not trust me at the time, accusing me of going to the bars to hookup, I was in all stars and jeans, not dressed for the occasion. Drinking and driving is stupid, sober, celibate, clean 2014 … I am doing my best to undo that harm. Not the intended consequence obviously, self-harm. But just something I thought needed to be done so that I could have closure, because I hurt myself. (Texted by my then boyfriend I left on Christmas Eve, and flew to DC for two weeks, forced to drive to Yorba Linda and interrogated about my relationship status, I had not hooked up with anyone, was freaking out because I was not finishing law school struggling with my GPA, and managing a personal life crisis, so I decided to apply to a new law school, and punish myself by leaving my then (boyfriend) who was keeping me from achieving my goals in life, focus, blossom, reach my potential. He texted me the night I got pulled over accusing me of drinking and hooking up I was writing, and when I told him I was moving things to storage he was having a panic attack toward me, questioning me accusing me of lying. I needed to separate myself from him, not drive that night after hitting my head. From that moment in time, my life changed for the worse, and have since had difficulty, moving forward anew.