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I used to think that I had it all, more specifically I used to be immune to all tough subjects. Imagine being that person for everyone in life, who they could go to to talk to and would always have something thoughtful to say that made exact sense to them like a fortune teller booth from the Movie: Big. It seems during my off years, talking to myself outside of my house, which my neighbors could hear, like the TV Show: Home Improvement, Ive come a long way, usually the world’s biggest shouting matches occur within, and theres really nothing that anyone can do to make you happy again and feel capable, other then you picking yourself off the bathroom floor, forehead bleeding, feeling like your life is over, and your Dad quietly encouraging you to get a job, and to continue to move forward in life and not give up. There is a phase when everyone is there for you, then you get better, then everyone is mad at you if you mess up again, and that’s recovery, support you, well well good good nice nice WHAT THE F ARE YOU DOING!? And then you go back into your shell, think about life, mind your space, mind the spaces of others, become suddenly quiet, your new psychiatrist thinks its Autism or PTSD, it was actually a learned skill, I had an Autistic neighbor in Marina del Rey who used to always through tantrums, I used to study outside on the steps to smoke, my neighbor above me hated me so I couldn’t smoke on my own balcony. At what point do you fail to become invincible? I think when (1) people are mad at you (2) people feel hurt (3) and you have to figure out whats wrong with everyone, that can be a really lonely task of trying to make others feel better without needing help from anyone to help make you feel better, which cant even be solved with a hug, I think people clam up in their shells and look like they need a hug, and that’s usually your cue to figure out whats the matter, without giving them a hug, that’s the lesson, not all sad feelings can be solved with a hug, its usually too late for that so loosen up, don’t let them throw the heat at you in life like you deserve it either, this is the A Team it gets no better than this!
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