Chapter 60: Why Dating is Hard by Leslie A. Fischman
You are a product of your own thoughts no one can change the way you think about yourself.
It's never deserved. Harsh treatment where underserved. It's never deserved. Equal treatment if so, doesn't always exist. You have to just be accepting of your present circumstances and own your wrongs in life and move forward, nothing's a big deal unless you make it a big deal. For a perfectionist it's hard to identify with oneself once ones own identity becomes dismembered or taken apart.
You know yourself best. We cannot be at our best always. There is some give and take in life. Sometimes life requires of us compromise. Sometimes life requires of us peace and sometimes life requires us to stick up for ourselves and that's okay too.
You cannot stop everything you're doing and figure everything out always for yourself sometimes you need the help of others to figure things out for yourself in life.
Always know that you are loved by friends and family no matter where you go or who you're with. Running away from your problems is not the solution to bettering your life. It never is.
When you beat yourself up you have no one to blame but yourself. Always pick yourself up from your bootstraps and begin again a new life for yourself once you falter. You cannot change your past or make perfect your present by being too opinionated about others who may feel as though they are being blamed for your present discord defensive to your present circumstances ignore them if so, you are always your number one priority in life it is not your priority to defend the best interests of others in life or their concerns about you or defenses to your well being in defense to their own interpretations of you threatening that they misused you or there was any misconduct toward you to begin with that's them being defensive in advance to you saying anything or accusing anyone of harming you, where no wrongful accusations have been made no accusations of wrongful accusations can be claimed were made against them in public.
You have to have a very strong mind to write online, otherwise you fall apart easily, everything you write gets heavily scrutinized picked apart, and when if so there's a possibility for hearing voices feeling like your under attack by others. Never write anything you yourself would take personally or others would take personally otherwise you run the risk for retaliation upon your good character traits, likeness, and positivity. That's why those who are strong are well known well liked because they are well versed and have a solid head on their shoulders. When under duress we are forced to be on sides that causes disturbance and unrest resulting in distrust and paranoia. These are called thought disorders when you assume the thoughts of others toward you against you or others or just in general. Never assume the thoughts of others only hold your own, best interests at heart and those you care for without interfering with the interests of others to better your own position(s) in life, that's called being fair minded cordial, diplomatic.
What was meaningful at one point but not meaningful now does not mean not meaningful at all. It just takes time to settle. Not everything makes sense to us in the immediate, but eventually everything works itself out right. You just have to be patient with others and trust in God's timing, you can't rush through life trying to make ends meet or beat the clocks, you have to work hard day in and day out to achieve well in life and status among the well, be accepted as well or good enough.
You don't always know what you want out of life. Sometimes you what you think you need and want is different than what is really needed. Always think first based upon what you do have in life. Is it necessary? If not necessary, how important is it to you? If not important than not necessary and if not necessary than not important and if not necessary and not important than you can decide how high of a priority it is for you to deal with, that's called love, it's icing on the cake.
When you know you're right about someone it needs no convincing to others in the positive or negative. You should always be sound at heart never unsteady through the outward discussion of personal interests best suited for private discussion not public discussion or discourse. That's how you get your hands tied and your heart broken or torn left beside yourself then defensive and combative.
You should always be yourself, offense is always taken when you try to be others or when others try to be you, never use the likeness of others for ones own benefit that causes disruption of interests. You can allow people to read your writings but you cannot dictate to people how to use your writings for benefit or interpretation you cannot control what people think to do so is an overstep of your boundaries as a writer and a waste of time and energy and input to explain and try to voice the opinions of others or of the reader that's best left unsaid.
When you realize what's been done and you know who's been wronged it's important not to over involve oneself in the matters belonging to others that's how you get tied up in nonsense then overly defensive ill to the concerns of others not originally your own but belonging to another. It's important to care but never that much to the point that you completely put all together your needs aside in place of the needs of another unless necessary to do so, required by laws or if it's your job to do so care for another's well being other than your own.
When you love someone you'd do anything right to make better yourself for them and for others for the sake of normalcy set right self. That's called caring, letting go of self interests and cares and thinking instead of what's in the best interests of the one you love and care for that's called love putting your needs aside to benefit the needs of another, it's about who's more important you or the one you love and why and when if so that love is returned you know you've made the right decision to whom where and why love is given and for what purpose.
Respect takes time. You don't always get what you deserve in life. You can't always win. You have to respect the current statuses and relationships of others and make best your role in another's life as a positive support system without interfering with their ability to love and provide support to their loved ones focus on their needs too. That's always important too, not to be too needy of ones time and attention be independent self-sufficient.
Its difficult to date when you yourself are not put together it's hard to give and receive love. When you are 100% you are more likely to get picked and more likely to be able to sustain any long term relationship. It all takes time getting used to. Getting to know each others temperaments needs and wants in life. The better you know and understand your companion the better able you are to serve their best interests as well as meet you best interests along the way.
Understand yourself best. Know the difference between well and not well and when to get help. That's always important when it comes to mental health issues. There's a stopping point. You cannot keep running to others for help with your problems medical or not, that need tending to from a medical professional or legal professional. Where there is love there is sanity, where there is friendship there is peace of mind, and balance of opinion. Always be independent of others to have it all in life.
When things get overwhelming you have to slow down and regroup you cannot push yourself over the edge that's how you fall apart or get lost or lose your audience. In order to maintain standing or be appreciated perceived as normal fit in you have to stay centered not jump off the cliff so to speak and be at a normal equilibrium not too high not too low but at an even pace in life otherwise you get knocked off center treated as abnormal.
You cannot win them all in life. You will not be everyone's favorite in life. You will not be well liked by all and that's okay. Best you can do is try to fit in anyways and do your best to get along well with others. It's never in your best interests to fight at that point when you're not doing well it usually makes things worse for you. Always protect your best interests but never at your own expense in life, do as your told but not if it puts you at a worse off disposition in life. There's always balance to every decision rendered. You should always keep in mind the best interests of others as you try to better your life make better decisions for yourself as you correct the mistakes you've made in your life not repeat mistakes you've made in your life and hurt people again or the same people again in the same way you've been accused of hurting anyone.
Leslie A. Fischman
Please Note: I have finished writing the first draft of my first book, still editing Ch 5-25, my goal is to publish my book 2020 after I graduate, working on myself right now.